Mind Tricks

I heard myself say something stupid today. I know that's hard to believe, and that you probably spilled your coffee on the keyboard, but it is unfortunately true. A co-worker asked me how I was handling midnight shifts seeing as I've become accustomed to banker's hours. Without delving too deeply into a complaint about exhaustion, I explained how, "My room is a very deep colour and I have really thick curtains. I can trick myself into thinking it's nighttime."

Whoa.

Am I trying to claim that I'm smarter than myself? Or that me in the now is smarter than me in the future? That's well and good right now, but I'm not under the impression that past me from five minutes ago was smarter than the now me. In fact, I think he was less intelligent, as he had only the beginning grasp of this idea and I've already attempted to explain it at length. It that's true, then future me is going to be brilliant! How will I trick him?

If the time/space continuum theory doesn't tickle your fancy (or pinch your plain), there are two other likely reasons. One might be the narcissistic fantasy that I am royalty, and am speaking of my Royal Person. Sometimes we speak that way, to confuse the common. The other is Multiple Personality Disorder. Possible, probable, ponderable, and quite a popular option if you ask me. What a fantastic excuse that must be! I can see it now . . .

Mom: Did you have a wild party in my house?
Me: No.
Mom: We snuck a video camera in the corner of the room to film your antics while we were gone. Here's a tape of you. What do you have to say for yourself?
Me: Nothing. That's not me.
Mom: Would you care to tell me who that person is drinking all that wine?
Me: That's Patrick, the 47 year old electronics salesman. His wife left him because he was cheating on her, and he's a hopeless alcoholic.
Mom: Mmmhmm. And can you tell me why you broke the bottle over your head? Or was that Patrick?
Me: Oh no. That wasn't either of us.
Mom: (getting snarky now) And who was it then?
Me: That was his ex-wife . . .

Oh the hilarity! We all know that it most likely really was me drinking all that wine, but let's keep it to ourselves.

Exhaustion

Hello my old friend. I haven't seen you in a while. With my cushy new Monday to Friday lifestyle I forgot how ugly your mug can be. I'm not blaming others; nobody held a clown (creepier than a gun) to my head and forced me to work four shifts in two days. Actually now that I think about it, the fine people at Visa do want their money back. Sheesh - you think they might have told me that in the first place . . .

It is sort of fun to poke fun at Mom when I'm tired though. Comments such as, "I don't even remember getting into bed!" lead to questions such as, "Do you remember driving home?" Oh, mother. Get ready for a new patch of gray . . . "I drove home?" Now, that isn't really a lie. It's a question. The simple answer to this would be, "Yes, you drove home" but that's not what it sounded like. I know. I'm a terribly bad person, but it's fun to watch her eyebrows shoot north. Give me a break, I'm tired!

It's a Hard Knock Life . . .

After an irritatingly long week, I don't think it's too much to ask that I sleep in. A cuddle with the ktty is always a nice bonus. Toddling outside with a book and sangria (made with Little Black Dress - yumm - see Winerismsm post if you do not understand) I began to relax with a book. Trusty cell phone to keep me in touch with the world, good book, drink, and a sunny spot; what more could I ask for?

Quiet.

That's what I could have asked for. Darn birds chirping with their little, "It's morning! I'm a bird! There's a worm! Aren't I irritating?"

Grr. Might as well go back and cuddle the kitty. Maybe I'll bring her a bird.

"Add One Cake" - Deconfusified

Sometimes one needs to eat cake. Be it an anniversary celebration, a birthday party, or a Friday; this simple recipe will allow you to indulge. Just remember not to add any unnecessary calories or carbohydrates, they aren't called for.

I call this the "add one" cake, because that is how you will remember the recipe. Start with one can of pie filling, and one box of cake mix. I'm making a black forest cake, so the obvious choices are chocolate and cherry.
Now, where were we on our math? That's right, one and one make two, so get out two round cake pans, and grease them well.

Two and one make three, add three eggs.

Three and one make four, so add 1/4 cup of liquid. That was kind of a tricky one, but I pulled it off. Again it is your choice as to the type of liquid, I'm using maraschino cherry juice.

Just a quick little trick that I've picked up before we go on. Instead of flouring your pan as usual, try using some of the cake mix. It gets absorbed by the batter, and lifts out of the pan beautifully. I won't tell you who taught me this trick, but believe me when I say it's a good thing.

Back to math! Four and one make five, so bake the cakes five minutes longer than the baking instructions on the box.

Assembly Instructions

Place the first cake upsidedown. I like to add frosting while it is still warm, because I don't like a thick layer. This way the frosting melts, and is more of a 'glue' than a layer.

To add some texture and extra flavour to my 'glue' I add a few chocolate chips, and a few spices. Here I've added cinnamon, because not many are brave enough to add an apple pie spice to a chocolate cake.

Place second cake topside up. Frost top and all the way around, garnishing as you see fit.

Stop counting the cherries and chocolate chips. The math lesson is over. I could have told you only to stir 6 times, add 7 cherries, 80 chocolate chips and slap yourself on the noggin 9 times, but I didn't. Counting to five is just enough of a good thing, any additional math is your own silliness.